Today is April 9 and the Navigate the Chaos question to consider is “How often do you blame others for your lack of success?”
Blame is a powerful tool that people use. Didn’t get that promotion at work? Blame your coworker. Didn’t close that sale? Blame the client. Didn’t land that gig you wanted? Blame anyone but yourself.
According to Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, author of The Search for Fulfillment, there are many reasons why people blame others. Here are four.
First, blame is an excellent defense mechanism. Whether you call it projection, denial, or displacement, blame helps you preserve your sense of self-esteem by avoiding awareness of your own flaws or failings.
Second, blame is a tool we use when we’re in attack mode. Falling into the category of a destructive conflict resolution method, blame is a way to try to hurt our partners.
Third, the hard truth is that we are terrible at figuring out the causes of other people's behavior. Truth be told, we are even bad at identifying the reasons behind our own behavior most of the time. The attributions we make towards the success of others, whether to luck or ability, can be distorted by our tendency to make illogical judgments. And we're just as bad at making judgments involving the blameworthiness of actions in terms of intent vs. outcome.
Finally, it is far easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibility. There’s less effort involved in recognizing your contributions to a bad situation than in accepting the fact that you're actually at fault, and changing so you don't do it again. Hong Kong and
American martial artist Bruce Lee noted “The medicine for my suffering I had within me from the very beginning but I did not take it. My ailment came from within myself, but I did not observe it until this moment. Now I see I will never find the light unless, like a candle, I am my own fuel.”
How often do you blame others for your lack of success?
How often do you fail to realize that you are your own fuel?